Dear Muraki
by Guro
Summary: If you ask, he'll answer you. Hopefully XD Chapter 2 is up!
1. Dear Muraki

**Dear Muraki…**

**Written by graffiti**

**11/26/2002******

**Disclaimers: Dun own Yami no Matsuei, dun own Muraki, blah blah blah.**

**I know that this idea's been around for a long time, but the idea of writing this fic was just too much to resist ^_^ I'll note that I haven't seen the manga yet, so some things may not fit the storyline of YnM. Pls forgive, minna-sama.**

**Warnings for OOCness and shonen-ai/yaoi ( Muraki/Tasuki, Hisoka/Tasuki) apply here.**

**Dear Muraki:**

Why is it that you admire Tsuzuki so much? Is he that good? I mean, he's cute and all that but there are other men out there! What's wrong about people like Tatsumi, or Hisoka?

**-RandomYnMFan**

**_Dear RandomYnMFan:_**

_It is my own business that I am interested in Tsuzuki, and I do not feel obliged to tell you more, but since I was forced into doing this pathetic job by those fools who call themselves "directors", I have no other choice, and I will have to fulfill your stupid curiosity._

_Yes, I _admire_ Tsuzuki, if that's the word you want to use, and yes, one reason is because he is damn good under the covers. Hisoka is merely a play toy for me for stress relief._

_And if you ask me, men are all stupid creatures. Except for Tsuzuki. _

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**un-dear muraki**

you're a psycho and you're evil i hate you stay away from tsuzuki-chan111

**curse you**

**_Dear Curse You:_**

_Before I reply you, I would like to inform you of something more meaningful. You know a key on the left side of the letter 'a' on your keyboard? It's called the Caps Lock key. Use it. And I believe the numbers at the end of the sentence were meant to be "!!!", correct? There's another key below Caps Lock that might prove useful to you.._

_I hate you too, and thank you for the compliments._

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**Muraki:**

Why do you almost always appear with a rose? It's like you want to be Tuxedo Mask or something. Why not choose another flower of your own style? Daisies are nice.

**-Tuxmask4eva**

**_Dear Disillusioned:_**

_It's in my script Go ask the script writers. Do you think I like posing around with a piece of useless green and red flesh? I don't even like red. It's too energetic and sugary for my cool-as-ice-murderer image. I wouldn't touch that stuff if it wasn't required for my role._

_Don't try to bribe me with your idiotic Daisy ideas. It's absurd. And I never liked Tuxedo Mask. Let me tell you this; people who float over the city in a tuxedo with roses pasted all over themselves and think that makes them  look handsome are unaware of how ugly they actually are. They /aren't/ cool._

**Dear Muraki-sama:**

I want to tell you that I love you SO much! I think you're so cool! The way you smirk when you're torturing someone is so irresistible! And the other day at the mall, I saw you staring at the pink teddy bear in the toy store's window, and I thought you liked it so I bought it for you. And I've noticed that you usually brush your teeth at precisely 8:47:47 AM every day! Why is that? Do you like the number 47? Oh, oh, may I have one of your autographed photos? Please????????? And may you be kind enough to give me your phone number too? Please?

P.S: Pleeeeeease???

**-Hugs and Kisses XXXXXXXXX**

**_Dear Stalker:_**

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_So you are the one who has been stalking me for the past 2 months. I appreciate your concern and care for me, but looking through my bedroom window with a telescope from the apartment across the street 24/7, installing spy cameras at every corner of my house and following me wherever I go aren't quite the best things to do to someone who you truly admire Stop it. _

_I would have considered giving you an autographed photo though, but unfortunately even my anime company has run out of stock for the past 6 months. As to giving you my phone number: NO._

_P.S: I've plucked out all the spy video cameras from the walls of my house. If you would like them back, I have put them all in a box by the guardhouse. And while you're there, give me back my house keys._

_And if you ever say anything about the teddy incident again, I will seriously crack your scull._

**Dear Muraki:**

The reply you gave me is confusing. Aren't you a man too?

**-RandomYnMFan**

**_Dear RandomYnMFan_**

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_Yes. And your point is? _

**Muraki:**

Stay away from Tsuzuki. Do you think he enjoys being pursued by a sick doctor like you every time of the day and night? He's got his own handful of issues to deal with, so stop making his life more miserable than it already is!

Fuck off!!! I don't know what kind of fun do you see in torturing and killing poor innocent people, and putting curses on cute young boys to ruin their lives!!!!!

**-GreenEyedBrunette16bishie**

**_Dear Hisoka:_**

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_Next time you write me a letter, remember not to write your name and address on the envelope. It's obvious enough with your choice of lousy pen names._

_I'm not a sick doctor. I'm just plain evil. It's my job to kill people and mess around with Tsuzuki's mind. As if you don't know. _

_P.S: If you feel like attempting to take revenge on me again, I'll be at Sharielle Café tomorrow morning at nine. See you there! *smirk* _

**Dear Muraki:**

_......................................................................_

_......................................................................_

**-RandomYnMFan**

**_Dear RandomYnMFan_**

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_Stop sending letters to me. You're starting to creep me out._

**Dear Muwaci:**

Haw do yu spel yore name?

**-Kristofer**

**_Dear "Kristofer":_**

_Hell, try spelling your own bloody name first._

**Dear Muraki:**

I lost my job because I stayed up too late watching Yami no Matsuei and was late for work the next day. My girlfriend left me for another blonde jerk, my father had a heart attack and passed away, and now no one wants to be with me anymore. My friends won't even listen to me when I ask for help! 

I want to destroy the world, Muraki! I want to kill every single person for betraying me! I want REVENGE! Tell me the best way to do it!!!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

**- Destroyer of World and Humanity **

**_Dear Destroyer of World and Humanity:_**

_The best and most effective way to destroy the world, is to see if you can tap into the military system closest to you and use their missiles and bombs for your pleasure. Unfortunately there is a high possibility that you would get caught and thrown in jail in the process. Another alternative would be to kill every human on the planet one by one, my style. If you like I can share some of my high class murdering skills and tactics with you for a fee._

_And if all else fails, try jumping off a tall building. Just make sure that you're not jumping off the first floor. Floors of over 15 will do._

_P.S: You're Evil. I like you. _

**Dearest Muraki-sama:**

Are you happy now? I've returned the house keys to you! I know you're happy! Aren't you? Ne? Ne?  Don't try to hide it!

Muraki-sama, I promise not to tell anyone else about your fascination with stuffed animals. I'm no one else knows about this, even though the shelves of your bedroom and kitchen is filled with Tsuzuki plushies and other teddies and bunnies of different colours instead of those hideous porcelain dolls ^_^ That is so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute! I just love cute people like you, Muraki-sama! 333

Muraki-sama, I really, REALLY want your phone number!! I beg you, Muraki-sama!!!!!

P.S: Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou!!!!! XXXXXXXXXXX

**-Muraki-chanSmoochie aka Hugs and Kisses**

**_Dear Insane Mind:_**

_…Stop calling me "Muraki-sama". It's disgusting._

_I do thank you for finally returning the keys to me, but no, I will not give you my phone number, or my photo, or my toothbrush. You do remember what happened the last time you tried to sneak into my bathroom and steal it, along with my cherry flavoured toothpaste, don't you? Would you like me to let out my dogs again? _

_By the way, you should be receiving a box of time-bombs from me soon. Tell me if you like them._

**Dear Muraki:**

Could you just stop following Tsuzuki around?! Well, not that he doesn't enjoy the massages that you give him every night……and those backrubs…and you showing him your godamn sexy hot-- *ahem* Anyway it's still wrong to stalk him! It's annoying and irritating!

**-Shinagami-chan**

**_My Dear Tsuzuki:_**

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_I'm looking forward to see you again tonight ^_~_

Author's ramblings:

Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeee reeevvvviiieeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww……..

This is the first fic I posted at ff.net. Hopefully I'll get good ratings, and then I'll post it up at my homepage ^_^; In other words, this fic is used as a guinea pig.

Mwahwahwahwa. 


	2. Dear Tsuzuki

First of all….*bows* Thank you all very very much for the reviews! I really didn't expect so much from you guys, because I was afraid that people wouldn't like it… But I'm very grateful to all of you! Thank you again!

Actually when I wrote this fic I wanted it to be a one-shot. But people wanted me to write more… I was pretty much out of ideas, but to thank you guys I just whacked my head against the wall multiple times to get something into my head for another round of "Dear…" XDXD I'm afraid that my ideas aren't very good in this chapter, but I'll try my best. This chapter will probably be the last one, because I've realized, not for the first time, that just by watching the anime, I really know nothing about Yami no Matsuei and it's characters. I don't feel like writing about something when I don't know what it is. The next time I write a fan fic, it'll be about an anime/manga that I understand more about. But I really do appreciate all the support. THANK YOU! 

To M.s Author: Domo! I'll try to write as much as I can.

To panatlantic: You want the contact details of Hugs and Kisses? Er… that freako was just a part of my imagination, so I don't have any of his/her contact details…but I'll make some up, just for the heck of it.

Add: 1602, Killer Grip Street, 131313, Hellsville.

Tel: 04mu3r55a8ki9XXX

e-mail: touchhimanddie@muraki.hail.com

Gaah…that is so lame….Gomen!!!

P.S: I'm not worried about what you'll do to him/her, but be careful ^_^; You don't know what he/she's got at hand…

To freee4ever: You love it? Really? Thanks! *hugs*

To Lily: Weeeeeeee!!! I'm happy I made someone laugh. Kinda comforts me that my fanfics don't need to be chucked into the trash can ^_^

To Embyr: You're not alone. People give me weird looks all the time, especially when I'm just sitting there giggling to myself. "Only God knows what insane ideas this girl whips up…"

To Kelly: My fic is THAT funny? Heh, arigatou ^.^ Well, here's more…

To Asidian: Authors have all the power, don't they? That's why characters fear them so much :P And um, yeah… I expected someone to kill me for putting 'Muraki', 'daisies' and 'pink teddy' together in the same sentence XD Apparently that didn't happen…yet. But I did put up a warning for OOCness ^.^

To icediamond: Well, I wanted to include the other characters as well…but again, as I've said before, I'm not familiar with this anime and it's characters. I know Tatsumi would like to have a word with Muraki, but as I'm not sure about it, I decided to leave him out. Sorry ^_^ But thanks for the ideas!

To animegurl: Sequel? Umm…I hope this counts…

To Ayako: *Hugs* I love you!

To hisoka_fangirl: Gomen! I don't know Hisoka's address… you'll have to ask Muraki or Tsuzuki for that ^_~ Aaah…what do you plan to do to me if I don't give you Hisoka's address? Huh? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *runs away and smacks right into the wall)

And finally, to Himi-chan (who was the first one to read my fanfic and live through it :D). I asked her for some comments but instead she sent me a two page reply, flaming almost every person who sent letters to Muraki XDXDXD She liked it tho…ahahaha. 

Thank you for the support… I think… *shrugs, and hugs Himi-chan to death* XDDDDDD

**Chapter Two – Dear Tsuzuki…**

**Written by: graffiti (****5/12/02****)**

**Disclaimer: I wish I own YnM but I don't. Nyeh.**

**Warning: Yaoi/shonen-ai (Muraki/Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tsuzuki/Tatsumi), harsh language, and OOCness. And um, I will not be responsible for any mental problems caused by reading this fic. *innocent smile***

**Dear Tsuzuki:**

We have received your order for five trucks of chocolate brownies and apple pies to be delivered to your house a few days ago. In the letter you stated that they be delivered within two days. We are sorry to inform you that our bakery has been destroyed due to endless operating of our baking machines. One of them exploded and brought down the whole bakery in flames. Fortunately we managed to save a few brownies, and they will be sent to you as soon as possible, probably by tomorrow morning.

We would also like to inform you that the bill will be raised although only a box of brownies could be produced. From the original $2800, the bill will be $87,000,000 to fund the repair works of our bakery. Please pay within a week or we will be forced to see you in court, which hopefully will not happen, to the benefit of both sides.

Thank you. We hope not to see you again.

**Cherry Cake House **

**_Dear Cherry Cake House:_**

_Hoe? You're kidding, right?_

_Ano… I'm sorry about the fire…would it help to say that I don't want the brownies anymore? A..haha…ha…_

_HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Dear Tsuzuki:**

Sigh. Why did you have to get yourself into so much trouble? I understand that you have a love for desserts, but buying them by the truckloads and demolishing a whole bakery is just not right. 

Since I can see that you are in deep trouble, I will lend you some money to help pay for the repairs. On some conditions, that is; 40% will be deducted from your salary for fifteen years, and you will accept a part time job as a cleaning maid for our headquarters for two years.

I have done all I could to reduce your punishments, so please do not complain that I didn't help you. I wish you good luck, Tsuzuki.

P.S: Your job as a maid begins tomorrow, from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. Try not to be late! And since I have agreed to help you, you can stop filling up my mailbox and inbox with your letters/e-mail. It's hard work just to clean up my mailbox when it fills up every two hours, you know.

**-Tatsumi**

**_Dear Tatsumi:_**

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_*Hugs* Arigatou! You saved my life, Tatsumi!_

_Demo saa… Tatsumi, can't you reduce more of my punishments? I mean, 40% deduction is a lot… and I don't want to work as a maid! Onegai, Tatsumi! Please!!!!!!!!!_

_I'll…I'll promise to stop by your house every day…… I can do whatever you want me to do! Wait a sec…*blush* Um…_

_Anyway, just please tell Kaijuu to not deduct my salary! At least not for 15 years! Ne, Tatsumi! You have to save me some more! I'm sure you'll be able to do it! _

**Dear Tsuzuki**:

So, you want help from me? Hmm……I don't feel like giving you my money, even though one million is only a small fraction of my monthly salary… But you're in such a mess!

Oh dear… I do want to help you… but what will you do in return? Hmm, Tsuzuki? *smirk*

**-Muraki**

**_Dear Muraki:_**

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_O////////o Ano….aaa… I'll do anything you… er, anything you wish for…_

_There, are you happy!? I'm offering you myself here! Isn't that enough? Promise you'll help me!_

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**Dear Tsuzuki:**

Are? Hisoka won't help you either? I want to help you, but I don't have enough cash even for myself. Working in a lab requires a lot of funds, you know. Sorry, but you've got tough luck. Shit happens. All the best, man.

**-Watari**

**_Dear Watari:_**

_I hate you. You're as mean as Hisoka._

**Dear Tsuzuki-chan:**

I read about you in the papers. You're in so much trouble,ne? Aww, I'll help you as much as I can. I smashed my piggy bank with a hammer and found out that I had 7 dollars and 3 cents! I'll lend them to you, Tsuzuki-chan! Because I love you so much more than unkind people like Hisoka or Watari, and because you're such a sweetheart! Not like _some_ people who think that they're so great and don't appreciate the love given to them….*%$@#(X^ DAMN YOU, MURAKI!

**-ExMurakiLover**

**Dear, um, ExMurakiLover:**

Err….thanks?

P.S: BTW, you don't happen to be the freak who used to stalk Muraki all over the place, do you? O.o

**Dear Tsuzuki:**

What do you mean I'm "mean"? I just told you that you should learn how to solve all your problems by yourself, not always relying on other to help you! Besides, it's not that I refuse to lend you some money, it's just that I don't even have enough for myself. Not like _some_ psychotic doctors who get more than Julia Roberts…..*mumbles something about biased directors*

Anyway, I can help you in court, if you get there. So don't say that I'm mean.

P.S: Love ya!

**-Hisoka**

**_Dear Hisoka:_**

_Cheh. *sulks* _

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**Dear Tsuzuki-san:**

I just started watching your show recently, and I have to say that your acting is really good! I fell in love with you instantly, and I think that you have all the best qualities to be the main character. The way you speak, your voice, your cute face, your sexy body (AAAAAAAH I just LOVE the shower scene!!!), your clothes, your love for desserts……everything about you is irresistible!

**-Fan Of Yours**

**_Dear Fan Of Mine:_**

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_Arigatou gozaimas! I appreciate your support! And you like my acting? Yokatta!_

_Hmm…does that mean I'll get an Oscar? And do I get money with it? _

Aurthur's ramblings:

Well…that didn't turn out so good… The whole fic was pretty much focused on Tsuzuki and his money problems(yargh, I knew I was running out of ideas) ^_^; But anyway I hope you guys will like it. Sorry if I disappointed anyone. Gomen!!!

So, this will be the last chapter for this fic. Hope to see you guys again! Matta ne!


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